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Real members of MyMSTeam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

Has Anyone Had Marital Difficulties Since MS?

Has Anyone Had Marital Difficulties Since MS?

Just wondering because it has been difficult for my spouse to provide support to me due to his own emotions in dealing with my disability.

posted over 4 years ago
A MyMSTeam Member said:

It's definitely harder at times! One thing that really helped all of my family relationships was having everyone read 29 Gifts - it's a very short read following the author as she learns to accept and positively manage her MS and its impacts on her body/mind and her new marriage. VERY good book - my dad called it seriously "life changing" - and i noticed a huge increase in everyone's support and patience after we read it together. Good luck to you! XX

posted over 4 years ago
A MyMSTeam Member said:

LMAO Yes!!!!! My marriage imploded in 2008 after a bad attack in 2007. I was in agonizing non stop pain. Guess what, spinal damage quadruples the divorce rate! My x-husband picked up a mistress and abandoned me.... leaving me without insurance. It wasn't just that he left or cheated on me, it was how he left.

The best advice I have? Don't let your spouse be your caregiver. Also if problems arise go to marriage counseling immediately. Start building as big of a support network as you can, one day you will need it. (Church, friends, moms & me, whatever works.) Be honest with how you are feeling/doing. Ask and expect & accept his honesty. Encourage it. This is where marriage counseling might save your marriage.

*Plan your life so you can care for yourself if your spouse is in or out of life. That way if things go badly you will not find yourself without income, insurance or the ability to work like I did. It took me 13 months to get my SSI & get a pain specialist. 13 months of agonizing pain without pain medication (except gabapentin which just kept me from screaming all day.) Build yourself a safety net that doesn't include him just in case. I'm not trying to be cruel but a 50% divorce rate in America still means there is half a chance it won't work out. MS adds tons of extra stress which increases your chance of divorce. A nest egg just for your MS that only you have access to may someday be a life saver.

posted over 4 years ago
A MyMSTeam Member said:

Being married for over 30 years we had learnt to tolerate each other's likes and dislikes. The main difficulty is from myself not being able to do as much in helping about the house and my mobility issues. Not being able to provide the sexual surport as before having MS as been a challenge for us both.

posted over 4 years ago
A MyMSTeam Member said:

Yes but I have been lucky, my wife is very understanding. When, like now, I'm having problems with my walking and balance it's much easier. She can see that I'm having problems. Much harder when it's not obvious.

Don't know if it helps but their are a lot of good articles on the subject.

posted over 4 years ago
A MyMSTeam Member said:

@A MyMSTeam Member Hang in there! I was having similar issues with my father, but having him (and the rest of my family) read 29 Gifts REALLY helped everyone to understand and support me better. For some reason they could finally hear what I had been saying. Give it a try if he's willing - it certainly helped me and I'm hopeful it will help the two of you as well! XX

posted over 4 years ago
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