My husband and I have been fighting terribly, and he takes his resentments and anger for having to do a little extra out on me. I think he needs to go vent somewhere else. He does have mild-moderate RA, and I think he is saying he feels worse than he really is. Every time I tell him about a new symptom or something happening, a few days later, he suddenly has the same symptom. I know the divorce rate… read more
My heart hurts reading these posts where someone who says they "love" you, is not compassionate, kind, or understanding. Instead, they are judgemental, demeaning, and certainly not empathetic.
I noticed this post was from 9 months ago. From experience, if you are still in your relationship with your partner/spouse, I would think that the situation hasn't changed much, if not, it has worsened.
Please, please remember that you are NOT responsible for anyone's behavior OR happiness!!! Only your own! So be accountable, but learn, research, how to create boundaries. There is no reason on this earth you should tolerate behavior from anyone, especially people who say they "love" you. Just because you may/may not look like you have MS, doesn't mean that you don't have it, and experience all the grandeur of it. MS is something you didn't ask for and can't control. You can only do the best that you can do, and that IS good enough. Please, Please, Please, self-care. You NEED to do that. It is extremely important to your well being. Your MS will quickly take hold even stronger than it has ever been; your mental health will suffer and decline rapidly if you do not change your situation. This is hard stuff! Please, remember that you have a ton of value and soooooo much worth. If you need to work on reclaiming it, do your absolute best to claim it. If "love" needs to be redefined, then do your best to define it. YOU HAVE WORTH, MEANING, VALUE, AND AN ENORMOUS PURPOSE. The day you stop believing that what God has made in you is EXACTLY what He meant to do; you WILL die a slow, horrible death.
Remember The One who made you and knows you better than yourself! You are thought of every second, and He really loves us more than we could possibly comprehend!
Do look into Social Security Disability if you haven't already. This will bring in some money. The man in the SS office gave me absolutely no trouble at all, and was happy to help.
Depression can be part of MS and is treatable. Your neurologist can probably treat this, if needed.
You don't need to get a grip--anyone who offers criticism needs to get a grip!
With the caveat that I think men are the weaker sex, I think it is less of resentment than men are frustrated and act out when faced with something they can't fix. They definitely can't "fix" MS, so the constant increasing needs on our part becomes very frustrating.
I think therapy is a great idea if that is an option for you. But it may also help to take the view that you are watching a movie and not get sucked into the drama. When my husband goes off the rails, I just have a little dialog in my head. "Poor dear, he can't help that he is the weaker sex. No sense making him feel any worse about it than he needs to." I also find positive reinforcement (yes, the Pavolovian kind) can be good. You and I might have a drink and then put the glass in the dishwasher. That doesn't seem to be something that men think about doing, but when they do ... I HEAP (and I mean thickly) the praise for the behavior that helps me ... and I keep my yap shut about the stuff he does that makes me crazy or causes me a problem. Slowly his behavior moves towards the thing he is being praised for and the other stuff starts to become the exception.
[Before any men pile-on with the "that's manipulative" - Yes, yes it is ... but it keeps our marriage on a very good footing.]
When i was getting married my Dad told me "Don't sweat the small stuff. Be wise on what subjects you choose to argue about"
I'm so glad to hear inn not the only one experiencing this. My husband is a wonderful man. Been married 30 years. I was diagnosed in 2006. But like you, my husband began to resent me. Being very short with me. I swear i think he even rolled his eyes at me. But one day i told him that i could easily nice with my mom and be out of his hair. I forced him to sit down with me and admit he was resenting me. Like your husband. He also was showing signs of deppresion. But after a long long talk of expressing how we feel ( he isn't one to share his feelings) it seemed to help. I no longer all him for help unless i really really need to. After we talked, i realized that he was angry. Angry with me, angry with God. He admitted that he was just afraid of losing me. That watching me deteriate was scaring him. All i can recommend is to have a long talk. Hang in there.