I had one. I married her in my 40s and at that time had no easily visible symptoms and was fairly normal.
Before we wed I explained the disease thoroughly, explained what was likely to happen when I was older and the disease progressed. I provided a huge amount of info on the disease and gave her many pamphlets from the MS Society. Those pamphlets had *lots* of people in wheelchairs, crutches, etc. (they have a fundraising angle) so that painted a real dark picture..
There wasn't a lot of questions and as I said, I was pretty normal. But I wanted her fully informed about what I had.
Fast forward 4 years or so and us adding a toddler. I had an attack that left me ambulatory but needing to hold onto a wall or walking *extremely* drunk. Vision was bizarre, fluctuating daily and with the temperature or time of day or whatever.
That attack meant I couldn't work but it was no big deal. I owned an apartment building so that income and a small VA disability meant to make all ends meet my wife needed a part-time job.
But the thought of her having to work and me being home watching our son was I guess too much for her.
Every day I was treated to the most vile insults and put-downs about me being crippled, a half-man, and all sorts of nonsense and tirades. On good days there was "only" snide comments and sarcastic attacks. We talked and talked and I explained how I felt and was not going to tolerate that. She'd have to learn to handle her frustration somehow.
Broaching the topic *many* ways from many different angles I tried again and again to reach her and get through.
But after 2 or 3 months of this, I thought that was a violation of the "in sickness and in health" clause of our marriage vows so I filed for divorce. 💔 Marriage counseling and an attempted reconciliation convinced me that she hadn't changed.
In the many years since, I've never regretted it for a second...
My grandmother would always saiid “whats for you, wont miss you.” I try to keep that in mind as I navigate MS.
I did. My "husband" of 15 years left me. Then he filed for divorce later and I was about to file because he hadn't filed yet. I wanted my name changed back to my maiden name. I was totally shocked he never said anything. He just took off. We were in the middle of house hunting. but I landed in a wheelchair.
Sadly, this happens pretty often.
@A MyMSTeam Member I am with you and I also sick of hearing my family members tell some of my friends who spend time with me and help me- they tell them "thank you for spending time with Denise".
I'm like! Hey!! I am cool and they are my friends, and they like me and care about me. I am not some troll under a bridge.
I really do not like that . . . for some reason that feels insulting when they say it. and by the way- I am very alert and cognizant so, yikes!!
I feel like they think they should hang a bone around my neck so someone will play with me? Of course they do not understand why I feel insulted by that/
Wow! this is something I hear very often. To be absolutely clear, I don't have ms my wife does. All the time I hear the "good for you for sticking by her" speech. I'm sick of it truthfully. MS has taken so much from the both of us. I can't help it if the damn disease takes her down, but I don't have it so I won't let it take me down. That's why I'm here to relate to other caregivers, and give support or ideas (for example travel stuff) to those that do. That said, in sickness and in health, well we got the short end of that deal. So what? Get a divorce? What if the next person also has ms? And, the one after that? Where does it end? Be grateful for the time you have with the one you asked to marry you and put up with your bs! What would you want them to do if it was you? Man or woman up. There are ways for us in the support/caregivers business to get by. Figure it out.
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